There’s a common fear many women have about becoming a mom, which is the fear of losing themselves in motherhood. More specifically, the fear that they will be required to sacrifice all of their personal dreams and ambitions in order to be the best mom possible. Finding a balance between our ambitions and motherhood take a special effort.
Hobbies and Ambitions are an Important Part of Motherhood
The truth is, becoming a mother doesn’t mean you have to give up your hobbies and passions. In fact, keeping your passion, hobby, or even a personal goal outside of motherhood can be one of the best things you can do for yourself and your kids.
It may help to stop believing your goals and dreams are a competition to motherhood, and instead view your personal ambitions as a vital part of being a good mother.
Mothers are Role Models
When you view yourself as the most important role model your child will ever have, then your ambitions are no longer a competition to motherhood because through your example you are teaching your children how to chase after their dreams and goals.
Instead of just talking about goals, talents, and hobbies with our kids, we can show our kids exactly what it looks like to work towards a difficult goal. We can show our kids what it takes to put yourself out there, and to try something that’s maybe a little bit scary or uncertain.
Your Emotional Health
Another reason it’s important for moms to have a hobby or a goal, is because mothers often set the emotional tone in the house. If you’re grumpy and frustrated, it’s likely everyone else is too. While on the flipside, if you’re full of energy, love, and patience then everyone else seems to be happier as well.
One of the best ways to feel excited and energized about life, is to have a goal or dream that fills you with excitement and passion. This excitement and passion will then spill over into every part of your life, including motherhood.
“Your children deserve to have a mother who is thriving and passionate. You are modeling for them how to be an adult. Treat yourself the way you would want them to grow up and treat themselves.”
– Dr. Julie Hanks
How to do it?
Start by setting aside a specific time either daily or weekly to pursue your goal, hobby or passion. Then guard this time from all other distractions or less worthy pursuits.
Understand that during some phases of motherhood it might be more difficult to find the time or energy to pursue your passion, but that doesn’t mean you need to give up on them entirely.
“A woman must be careful to not allow over-responsibility (or over-respectability) to steal her necessary creative rests, riffs, and raptures. She simply must put her foot down and say no to half of what she believes she “should” be doing. Art is not meant to be created in stolen moments only.”
-Clarissa Pinkola Estes
It may also be helpful to find a group of women who have the same goal or passion as you do. Then you can help encourage each other, and provide support and feedback in finding a balance between your ambitions and motherhood.
What if it’s a failure?
We might fail at our goals and dreams, and honestly that’s OK. What better way to teach our kids that failure and setbacks are a part of life, and to show them it happens to everyone?
When we fail, we can teach and model resilience and perseverance.
So whether you’re passionate about art, literature, bodybuilding, hiking, or software engineering don’t give up on your interests and goals. Show your kids how to chase after their own dreams by pursuing yours.
